So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
