you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
