I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
