The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
