The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
