As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
