found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
