My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
