How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
