I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
