Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
