Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
