Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
