did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
