My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize