Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
