how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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