My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
