It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
