Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
