The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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