Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
