he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
