This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
