Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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