I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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