Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize