One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
