so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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