some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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