just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
