I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
