I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
