Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
