I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
