i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bring me that man meat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
