i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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