i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
