So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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