The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
