you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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