Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
