I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
