Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
