Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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