I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
