so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
