so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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