How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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