I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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