you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
