Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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