JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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