I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
