I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I smell stomach acid.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
