if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
