remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
