he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
