dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
