By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
