I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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