i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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