Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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