I wannas sexs uuuuu
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
