tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
