Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

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(754): View more from Florida

Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day

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(516): View more from New York

she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

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(850): View more from Florida

I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.

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(314): View more from Missouri

also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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(773): View more from Illinois

I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?

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